CarolinaDivina

any dreams lately???

Wednesday, May 22, 2002

the baby furniture came in yesterday morning
i drove home in 8 minutes (no traffic after rush hour/before lunch)
everything looked beautiful
i signed the paperwork and came back to work

at the end of the day
i learned that my glucose was pretty high from my blood test
the doctor asked me to schedule an appointment for taking the three hour test

it's scary
i read that if i don't take care of it
my baby can be born with problems
i wish i knew what problems they might be

everybody tells me it's ok
that it's normal
and that lots of women have this

but i still feel like i did something wrong....

Wednesday, May 08, 2002

I had another dream
this one was a little disturbing

i was with my sister
and we were in the living room doing something
like crocheting or cross-stitching or something
i know it was something that our mother taught us
so we were there doing this when the baby moved inside of me
the baby moved really hard and i looked down at my belly
and i could see the baby's head pushing against my insides
i said
look maru
this is where the baby is
i pulled my dress tight against my skin so she could see the baby's shape
she was suitably fascinated

i went to the other room
this was an office
for some reason, my mother was in the office
for some reason, i expected to find her there
and i announced
look, you could see where my baby is
this time, i lifted my dress above my waist
and saw for the first time
my baby's form

it wasn't just a bump where the head was
this was the entire baby
inside my skin
but outside the uterus
immediately i panicked

oh my god
i yelled
what happened
it was as if the baby had come out of my uterus
and was still living inside of me
my skin was tight around the baby
almost as if it where his/her own skin
the baby seemed attached to me by the belly button and nothing else
like siamese twins

i said
what happened
my mother told me that it was normal
don't worry about it

i was freaking out
my baby was wriggling around almost completely outside of me
i am only five months pregnant
but what am i going to do
what am i supposed to do

my mother said
don't worry it's normal
she sat on the desk and looked at me calmly
have you been eating right
have you done anything strange or hurt yourself

well yes i've been eating ok
and no i haven't hurt myself or over-extended myself

well i don't know what the problem is

i have to call that lady
i screamed
i have to call the lady
referring to my doctor

my mother said
there's no need to do that
i'm the one who knows everything you need to know
don't worry
everything is fine
i don't know what the problem is

i woke up with tears in my eyes
my baby was kicking and i lay in bed
killy fast asleep next to me
my belly moving slowly in the dark