...my darling son...
that is the heading of every letter i write to you
and i try to write to you each time i pump
because i want to be near you
and talk to you
but i can't so instead
i write to you
and tell you little things
and sometimes big things
and sometimes nothing
but always
i dream of you
your little warm body curled up next to me

it's going to be hard to put you in your crib
i'm so accustomed to your little form between daddy and me
you're so small and warm
and you smell so good

you wake up in the middle of the night
looking for me
i love being woken up by you
even in my sleep
i am aware of every movement you make
i am excited at everything you are sensing and learning
and i want the world to open up to you

there are beautiful things in the world my son
and i know that they will come to you