i lost my baby

the baby stopped growing at about 6 weeks
the machine wouldn't work when i first got there
the doctor had to reboot it a couple of times
then the goop
then the glove
then the uncomfortable poking and moving around inside
then the doctor's furrowed brow deepening as he pushed buttons here and there

then he turned of the machine
turned the light on
and told me i'm sorry

the baby stopped growing at about 5.5 weeks
the yolk sack had come out of the embryonic sack
the egg was still inside of me making my body think it was still pregnant
it had been 5 weeks

he stepped out of the office
this was not like the movies
i let out two deep sobs and sat looking at my toes
they were in terrible condition
they were awful and ugly

i got dressed and walked out to call my husband
of course this was the only time he wasn't at his desk
i couldn't hold back my sobs
he immediately left the office to meet me
he is so sweet

we went to la tapatia and i drank three margaritas
my husband - who doesn't drink
drank 2 with me

we bought some gardenias
and we named her after my grandmothers

now she is adolfo's guardian angel
her name is
Angelita Maura