Paola Isabel Chavez

i can't figure out what she is going to be like
i seem to have forgotten everything i experienced with adolfo
what do the cries mean
are you hungry
are you wet
it's easier for me to establish a pattern from the outside going in
this way i cover all my bases and address each possibility
so this is how it goes
she whimpers
i leave her be - she might go back to sleep
she burbles
i leave her be - she might go back to sleep
she wails
i wait one, two, three beats then swoop in

i never used a pacifier with adolfo
he didn't want it
but it seems paola really does require the suckling for comfort that i've heard fables of
so i pop it in her mouth

i check her diaper
i change it regardless
these crazy diapers never really tell you when she's wet
so rather than guessing
she gets a new one anyway

we retire to the boppy
where the pacifier is thrown free
and the wails are louder than anything i remember adolfo issuing

i can't really remember which side she nursed on last
so we try the left first
and she greedily sucks it all in
and makes cute little bird peeps of satisfaction

it seems like only one minute of nursing makes her drowsy
so breakfast, second-breakfast, elevensies, lunch, supper and dinner take a little longer than they should
with the snoozing in between each course

and this way
i have it all covered

my instincts tell me to do everything the same way i did for adolfo
but killy needs more sleep
so rather than a family bed
it's mommy and paola in her room

and she spends more time in her cradle than adolfo did

i'm still in shock