i had another dream

i was living in new york
i needed to get to mexico to visit my father
so i made arrangements and discussed my departure date with my husband

the day came and i took the car
the plan was i would drive from one town to the next
staying at hotels along the way
making this a sightseeing excursion as well

i drove out of the city and into a thick fog
it seemed to thicken before it dispersed
it had no sign of letting up

i was afraid to stop because i didn't know where i would end up
i kept driving south hoping to come out at the other end of the fog
i never did
i finally stopped sometime in the early morning
i knew it was morning because the fog was a light grey color
no longer black

when i got out of the car
i noticed i was in a town
i could hardly see in front of me as i walked blindly forward
eventually i found a local business
i stopped and asked for lodging info
they sent me to the local hotel
and i realized then that i was in a spanish speaking town
i still had no idea where i was

i spent the day and night in the room
thinking about the car
wondering if it was in good condition
wondering if the fog would let up
simply worrying
i fell asleep

the fog didn't let up the next day
nor the next day
nor the next day after that
it didn't let up for months
sometime during
i gave birth to a little girl
the little girl and i stayed in my room
we went into the town once a week to wait in line for bread
there was no other food anywhere
the fog did not go away
it stayed for years

i spent all my time telling my little girl about her father
about her grandfather
about her mother when she was younger
and each time i would tell her the stories
her face would brighten
and she looked like she was glowing in the foggy air

silently
i would cry because
my little girl was getting thinner and thinner
not thinner as in skinny
but her whole essence was thinning
she was almost transparent
then one day
she was no longer there
i kept telling the stories
telling them all over the little room
out in the town
but i didn't see the glow
my little girl was no longer there

and then i cried
i sat in my room and cried
until my tears filled up the room
and i kept crying still
and didn't know how much time had passed
and didn't know what was going on in the world

the fog had lifted from the world
my husband found the town i was in
it was a little mountain town in mexico
people told him where to find me
in spanish
killy found my room and became confused
he didn't find me
he saw an octopus floating in water
waving it's tentacle arms all around
he didn't know that the octopus was me
swimming in my own tears

he drove away
and my mind was with his
i saw everything he saw
and learned everything he learned

he drove and drove until he found my father's house
which was now empty
he stepped into my father's house
and saw a bachelor's home
beautiful furniture placed carelessly about
on a beautiful couch
he saw a painting
of a beautiful woman swathed in silk
sitting upon a bench and holding a sign
the sign had some words on it
i don't remember what the sign said
but the woman holding the sign was my mother