CarolinaDivina

any dreams lately???

Monday, January 22, 2007

what got me the job

So at the interview, I was asked a most interesting question.
Who, What, Where, When, How and Why...Carolina?
I couldn't immediately answer, I sort of fumbled around and the conversation was side-tracked and the question forgotten. But when I was asked to provide a writing sample, I thought this would be a good way to play around with it, and it was fun to think about.

Who is this Carolina Chavez person? She is a romantic, sincere and caring partner and a supportive wife. She is the mother of two wonderful children who depend and count on her for stability and nurturing. She is a good friend who maintains relationships that span decades. She is an artist who appreciates history and values the origin of all things. She is an adventurer and a student and takes delight in learning something new. Carolina is an energetic, positive and creative person who enjoys good food, good company and good stories. Everyone has one, what is yours?

What are Carolina's passions? She loves collecting shiny things. People’s stories and ideas are the shiniest of these and always the most interesting to study. Carolina is passionate about history which is in everything. When her interest is piqued, she dedicates energy and time for researching her passion. She enjoys accumulating bits of information that when looked at individually may appear insignificant, but when used strategically, as in conversation openers, yield rich and exciting adventures.

Where is Carolina going with this? Carolina is headed toward bigger and better things, always, as she embraces every change in her life with fervor and respect. Carolina strives to show her children that there can be balance in the world and that obstacles can be overcome with grace and integrity. From her together with her husband, they will learn that any difficulty’s final outcome is theirs to control. She hopes to inspire a love of learning and a sense of adventure in her children. She looks forward to one day driving across the country with her photographer husband and her notebook and watercolors with a mission to capture what’s left of Route 66. She will have a book published at some point in her life.

When does Carolina have time for herself? Every day provides small opportunities for self reflection. Is it in the ride to work or in the rhythm of a song? Can it be the moment by the microwave when she remembers her little girl's smile or glancing up from her desk to spot the drawing her son made for her? Maybe it’s this morning’s good luck kiss her husband gave her; any of these are the important moments when she catches her breathe and is grateful for what she has.

How did she come to be? Growing up in a family of six is a chaotic and fun-filled adventure from which different personalities emerge. It was important to be singled out in any way, especially in a positive way. Carolina stood out by being a good helper for mom and a good friend to brothers and sisters. She was the six year old family greeter who welcomed visitors with prepared coffee, tea or lemonade. She was the dancer and the singer who knew her mother’s favorite songs and would perform for any audience. She was the translator of letters, movies and conferences with the school. She was the miniature reader at mass and the youngest choir singer. She was the personal concession booth at family movie night, the tips were horrible. Carolina shined best when helping others.

Why is she here? Every choice she has made has led her to this point. There is a constant emotional, professional and self evolution in daily interactions. This consideration is what keeps Carolina driven and enthusiastic and determines her choices. There is a reason for the journey she has taken and for the lessons she’s learned along the way. There is a purpose for the skills she’s accumulated and for the person she’s become. Right now, Carolina believes that Boyden is that reason.

so i have a new job

i'm excited about it
but kind of concerned about it at the same time
i am torn between the desire to make real money
in order for my family to benefit
and the idea that my family would best benefit by my spending more time with them
this struggle in the light of the repeated issues that my big boy is having at school
is a very difficult one to find balance in
it doesn't help that i meet a lot of mothers who are stay at home moms
and seem healthy and happy on the outside

i am taken by fits of purpose and determination
goals and dreams fight for space in my head
filling my mind with possibilities
i can improve my house
i can put my children in private school
i can save for a wonderful vacation someday
i can make it possible for my husband to pursue his dream and realize his purpose

then i think of my little boy
struggling with social concerns
big bad boogie men personified in those adults who reproach him in the name of scholastic wellness
are they stifling his spirit?
am i?
do i give him enough time?
is guilt driving me to spoil him and in turn driving him to be a brat

why do people who love him call him an asshole

is this my fault?

when the calls come in
i just want to quit
and stay home with them
and everyone tells me
it can be done
you can give up everything to be there for your children
right now that they need you the most

will my son hold this against me later on in life?

and yet
there is this opportunity for me
a once in a lifetime chance

i am not a young thing anymore
i have only so much education
i should have something more for my children

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

new year

last year was full of exciting things
my new baby's birth
me being fired
paying off the car
i can't remember much more
so much for the up-beat start
this year has lingering ghosts to begin with
some wistful sadnesses whose footprints are solid in the ground
i really hope joy brightens the eyes of those i love
and brings back the sparkle that's been waning
i found a grey hair to finish last year
and decided i loved it to start this year
of course lots of hopeful patterns have been drawn on paper
now time will test how long they can be drawn out into the fleshy part of 2007
my angels are asleep right now
and i know all is good in the world
i just don't know what to do starting now