i had another dream

i was living in new york
i needed to get to mexico to visit my father
so i made arrangements and discussed my departure date with my husband

the day came and i took the car
the plan was i would drive from one town to the next
staying at hotels along the way
making this a sightseeing excursion as well

i drove out of the city and into a thick fog
it seemed to thicken before it dispersed
it had no sign of letting up

i was afraid to stop because i didn't know where i would end up
i kept driving south hoping to come out at the other end of the fog
i never did
i finally stopped sometime in the early morning
i knew it was morning because the fog was a light grey color
no longer black

when i got out of the car
i noticed i was in a town
i could hardly see in front of me as i walked blindly forward
eventually i found a local business
i stopped and asked for lodging info
they sent me to the local hotel
and i realized then that i was in a spanish speaking town
i still had no idea where i was

i spent the day and night in the room
thinking about the car
wondering if it was in good condition
wondering if the fog would let up
simply worrying
i fell asleep

the fog didn't let up the next day
nor the next day
nor the next day after that
it didn't let up for months
sometime during
i gave birth to a little girl
the little girl and i stayed in my room
we went into the town once a week to wait in line for bread
there was no other food anywhere
the fog did not go away
it stayed for years

i spent all my time telling my little girl about her father
about her grandfather
about her mother when she was younger
and each time i would tell her the stories
her face would brighten
and she looked like she was glowing in the foggy air

silently
i would cry because
my little girl was getting thinner and thinner
not thinner as in skinny
but her whole essence was thinning
she was almost transparent
then one day
she was no longer there
i kept telling the stories
telling them all over the little room
out in the town
but i didn't see the glow
my little girl was no longer there

and then i cried
i sat in my room and cried
until my tears filled up the room
and i kept crying still
and didn't know how much time had passed
and didn't know what was going on in the world

the fog had lifted from the world
my husband found the town i was in
it was a little mountain town in mexico
people told him where to find me
in spanish
killy found my room and became confused
he didn't find me
he saw an octopus floating in water
waving it's tentacle arms all around
he didn't know that the octopus was me
swimming in my own tears

he drove away
and my mind was with his
i saw everything he saw
and learned everything he learned

he drove and drove until he found my father's house
which was now empty
he stepped into my father's house
and saw a bachelor's home
beautiful furniture placed carelessly about
on a beautiful couch
he saw a painting
of a beautiful woman swathed in silk
sitting upon a bench and holding a sign
the sign had some words on it
i don't remember what the sign said
but the woman holding the sign was my mother

so i had a dream that i was running away from a man who was trying to kill me
i started in mexico
and ended up in rome
mamalynda (mother in law) was with me
she and i escaped this killer by climbing onto the roof of the cathedral
museum and running on top of the buildings

you know that james bond movie
where the bad guy is this giant guy with metal teeth
and he gets stuck in space with a freckly redhead in braids
well, that's what this guy looked like

mamalynda and i were running and she kept saying
do we have to keep running so much
i can't see him anywhere
so i would turn around only to see him emerging from around the corner
yes we have to keep going
so we would run some more

we were running through a park now
among families at picnics and in hanging out in swimming pools doing family things
the park ended and we were in the city now
i knew we could lose the guy here

i saw an S & M bar and ran in with mamalynda
we decided to split up
i jumped into a cubbyhole made for slaves/servants
it was like a large bus station locker
the slaves would be put in there by their masters and if someone knocked on the door
the slave would have to respond
whooo whoooo
mamalynda went to the back of the bar where there was a death metal band playing

at some point the guy had fallen off one of the roofs
he was still chasing us but much slower
he was limping

he came into the s&m bar and didn't find us right away
i could see him through the breathing holes of the cubby i was in
i saw him leave to continue searching for us in the city
i waited a while chanting whooo whooo as need be
then i came out of the cubbyhole and found and mamalynda in the back of the bar
she was disguised as a goth girl
with a straight long black haired wig and black lipstick and a black gown

we left the bar
and we got on a sightseeing bus
i was a little calmer now and was breathing a little easier
i looked around me drinking in all the people in the bus
and then i noticed
the guy was in the back of the bus looking at us
the expression on his face was as clear as a single note
he was in love with me
he was no longer trying to kill me
i was no longer in danger
but he stayed where he was
that's when i realized that he wanted to keep chasing me

mamalynda and i jumped off the bus again and kept running
and the guy kept chasing

last night i dreamt that killy was the son of rich people
never saw them in my dream
but killy and i had to move into their attic because of untoward circumstances
he had three sisters
one was away in europe
the other was studying to be a doctor
the third was also in school but was glamorous and showey
all of them were beautiful

killy confided in the doctor sister
the doctor sister confided in the glamorous sister
killy and i snuck in on the weekend when the parents were away

we went straigh upstairs into the attic, he sent me first
he would follow
i went upstairs to a fully cluttered attic
it was spotless
the cleaning crew had orders to keep the place orderly and neat
it was as orderly and neat as the space would allow
there were bookshelves everywhere
chairs set up near mismatched coffee tables
working elegant torchieres plugged into wall switches
casting a warm golden glow upon the sitting areas

it looked like a comfortable but cluttered home
there was even a big beautiful bed all done up
i could only imagine what the house below was furnished with
compared to what they considered storage
the furniture and miscellaneous things were obviously expensive antiques
they were taken care of meticulously

so i made myself comfortable
the temperature was nice so i took off my clothes
i browsed the bookshelves and found a book
i lay down on the spacious luxurious bed and started to read
then killy came up

as he came into the room, he shed his belongings one by one
dropping them on the floor carelessly
the sound was loud and i was worried that his family downstairs would hear
baby don't walk so hard, take your shoes off
they'll hear you downstairs

his parents never met me
his sisters only heard of me
i was worried we would be discovered because i knew we weren't supposed to be there

killy looked worried

and then his sister came up
first i smelled her arrival
she smelled clean and sweet, like springtime daisies
her head slowly emerged from the stairwell
short fashionably arranged hair, trimmed close to her head
she glittered and shimmered like a diamond
she was wearing a bright ostrich feather boa and lots of jewelry

she said
look what i brought
some shimmering bubbly

i smiled and said, well look at me, au naturale!

she opened the champagne

dreams again
last night i dreamt that it was raining
and that i woke up from a stifeling dream
the radio said it was half past the hour
i looked up and the clock read 7:30

i jumped up alert as can be and tapped on the bathroom door
killy killy you are late you're supposed to be at work by now
i heard the shower turn off but water was still sprinkling
i realized it was still raining and it was very dark outside

killy came out of the shower without a towel or anything
he looked beautiful and glowing
steam was still rising from his skin
his back had droplets of water and i knew he hadn't dried his back
he was panicking and i stood in front of the closet looking with him
we searched for what he would wear for the day
then the radio said it was 6:30
and i looked at the clock in confusion
and noticed for the first time that the numbers were flashing
i realized the rain had caused the electricity to turn off during the night
killy sighed with relief and looked toward the sky
that's when he noticed that our ceiling was gone
the strange thing was that there was no sign of it anywhere in the room

i pictured in my head the way the ceiling disappeared
i visualized the rain beating down on it and slowly corroding it away
the roof and the ceiling dissolved like toilet paper

killy protected me by pushing me into the bathroom where the ceiling and roof were intact

It's March and the baby is 14 weeks old
going to get another picture
we decided we would be surprised
but i know i am still going to be trying to peek between the legs
killy is excited
i think that's why he hasn't picked up the phone at work

i have a surprise for him
my boss gave me two tickets for the houston pops show for tonight
i'm excited to go